Five Ways to Be F-L-Y: First Love Yourself
As cliche as it may sound, there truly is no better way to love others than to start with yourself. Here are five ways to commit to a relationship with yourself that is fulfilling and worth your time and energy:
The first step to loving yourself is saying yes to the person you are. Are there things you may want to improve? Of course. It is natural (and smart) to always look for ways to be an even better person; however, you also need to say yes to who you are now. Say yes to those random quirks you have. Do you cry when watching commercials? Do you organize your desk prior to going home by aligning the pens and pencils in a color-coded row? Do you sometimes leave the keys in your front door at night and go to sleep (I have)? Great. Write down those quirks and beside each one state why it may be something you love about yourself. Understand that no one is you and no one is perfect. What a powerful concept! You are the only person in the entire world with your face, (even if you have a twin, it’s your face) your mind, your spirit! Quirks do not make you odd; they make you a more beautiful version of you.
Everyday, write down one thing you love about yourself. I believe that the idea of “humility” or society’s cruel views about what’s “pretty” or “acceptable” has disempowered some to referring to the very things that make a person special. If you absolutely have not one thing you love about yourself, ask someone close to you (a parent, sibling, close friend) to send you one trait each day that makes you lovable. You have no idea how empowering that can be! Here are a few things you might consider writing to help get your wheels turning:
I am kind
I am a good friend to others
I am funny
I am organized
I love others with fervent passion
I am a good mother
I am a good son/daughter
I am good with my hands
Do you see anything physical on that above list? No. Though you may love something physical about yourself, it is also important to see the person that contributes value to the world.
Take Yourself on a Date
Each month, treat yourself to a special date. Maybe a nice, quiet dinner at your favorite restaurant. Perhaps a spa day, a massage, or a walk in a beautiful park. Imagine doing an activity with someone you love. Now go do it with yourself. Who says you need a partner to go to a movie or a restaurant?
Write Yourself a Love Letter
Who doesn’t like receiving letters about how great they are? I say write yourself a love letter, seal it, and re-open on a rainy day. Tell yourself how powerful you are, how special you are, how loving you are, how you inspire change around you. If you need help, again confide in someone and ask them to help you. Never miss the opportunity to say I love you to the most important person in your life – you!
Get Rid of the Guilt
Don’t feel guilty for loving yourself. Perhaps this will be your hardest feat. Parents especially have a difficult time doing things alone and putting themselves first. I want you to know that it is okay to love yourself enough to put yourself first sometimes. If that means you need one night alone in a hotel to gather your thoughts and spoil yourself, then so be it. Your mental health and spirit is just as important as your physical health. We have to keep our tanks full. Many times we empty our tank on others, so much so that there is nothing left for us to give, to feel, to believe. Don’t feel guilty about giving to your tank. You are allowed to be “full of yourself” if it means you are fulfilled.
Above all, remember that you matter. You are allowed to say, “Hey, I’m doing a great job in this game of life.” You are allowed to feel sexy and confident. You are allowed to form a deeper connection to the beautiful soul within. To love yourself is to love others more abundantly. Do so with courage.